Fumbling Past 50. A mumble, jumble of myself – past, present and future.
How does it happen? The “Big One” the formidable half way measure of our multifarious lives. The imperceptible, yet foreboding barrier of the inevitable downhill slope – Ahhh
My grey hair and wrinkles inching their way into my hayfield of tussled golden blonde is just enough for me to ponder:
My Children becoming adults, the aging physical body, What will be my second act? Finances, Menopause & the horrors of – puberty-type emotions, My emerging Winston Churchill – double chin, And the harsh, real-reality of growing old threatening to overpower the actual opportunity – of reclaiming myself, my life after Act one – motherhood and provider.
Letting go, the unknown. Loosing parts of myself. Finding myself. Standing up for myself. Reinventing myself
I am sure I am not the only one who likes to think that when we hit the big 50 that we will have it all figured out, right? That your success, money, time and passions would be yours to enjoy? Perhaps, but not necessarily.
If you’ve been parenting or ave had a profession your likely not needed by them anymore – you will now hear the classic line don’t call me I’ll call you. You’re not in demand in the job market. You must accept the invisible syndrome – not visible to many and if you’re a hetero female, especially middle-aged males whose eyes are glued on a twenty-something. Whatever happens to us as we age and become less important to the things that we consider to be all important, is part of the reinventing that we have to learn to adjust to, to surrender with – and to let go into.
On the emotional front aging and especially mothering can teach us much about compassionate nonattachment. This is a concept born out of the Buddhist tradition which teaches us to embrace detachment as the way to end all suffering.
And then we need to learn to attach meaning to things that we may have put away for many years. Pipe-dreams, bucket-lists, long-lost parts of ourself that have gone into remission for a good length of time.
What doesn’t go into remission however, when you reach the middle of your life is unfinished business. Resentments, places that you have yet to forgive, guilt’s, incompletions and negative patterns that you notice more than before because you’re able to spend more time observing how your world has been shaped and where your own small mind gets in your way.
The clutter obscures the pathway. The eastern traditions say that once the householders reach midlife the real spiritual work begins. No kidding!
If you had children they’re now gone, so you are no longer able to claim that as your purpose. If you’ve had a career it is ending and its purpose too, which will clear the way for new passions and new ways of being in the world.
Time is mostly mine now, it is easy to fumble the ball when I have too much time to think. I can now fill the gaps with new found meaning. I have a unique freedom – I don’t need to answer to kids, parents, or boss. Most Importantly I am free to rediscover and take care of myself and my relationship to The Life-Force.