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It is written.

To give you some very honest glimpses…

It has been seasons since I have written. What was once a therapy and release is now in the distance of my past. I find myself embraced by the dense Vancouver moisture, with no hope of a snowflake, and sun many months ahead. Sitting here looking back on my previous statement about weather I realize my propensity as of late to divulge in things of less meaning. Do you really care how the Vancouver weather is? I am sure if it was a prevalent issue in your life you could pick up a copy of the Province. It is a way for me to touch base with you on a candid basis. The way we touch base with each other 97% of our lives. We all know what the weather is like. Fabulous somedays’, depressing on others, its never predictable. The Weather in certain aspects could be compared to the nature of the mind. Lets break down the barriers of sun and rain. Lets look at what’s beneath the surface of our worlds.

To give you some very honest glimpses…

In August things changed at GF strong. I was getting worn out; tired of the bells and nurses but maybe even more tired of having to face a reality that was so emotionally trying everyday. I was MJ’s right hand gal. The caretaker in me loved it. And the martyr loved it even more. I would complain, but refuse help.

To give you some very honest glimpses…

It has been seasons since I have written. What was once a therapy and release is now in the distance of my past. I find myself embraced by the dense Vancouver moisture, with no hope of a snowflake, and sun many months ahead. Sitting here looking back on my previous statement about weather I realize my propensity as of late to divulge in things of less meaning. Do you really care how the Vancouver weather is? I am sure if it was a prevalent issue in your life you could pick up a copy of the Province. It is a way for me to touch base with you on a candid basis. The way we touch base with each other 97% of our lives. We all know what the weather is like. Fabulous somedays’, depressing on others, its never predictable. The Weather in certain aspects could be compared to the nature of the mind. Lets break down the barriers of sun and rain. Lets look at what’s beneath the surface of our worlds.

To give you some very honest glimpses…

In August things changed at GF strong. I was getting worn out; tired of the bells and nurses but maybe even more tired of having to face a reality that was so emotionally trying everyday. I was MJ’s right hand gal. The caretaker in me loved it. And the martyr loved it even more. I would complain, but refuse help. I am not by any means condoning the person I am in my mothers’ life. I didn’t just become close to her when her accident happened. We have always been blessed with what may be the most extraordinary relationship we both will ever experience.

But in August I was in burn out phase. My 19 year old self needed to rampage, vacation, be mindless, and in all essence dull my self from the world I was learning to live in. I sought to find comfort from other sources. Which inevitably lead me back to where I started, looking for better more fulfilling comfort. I now understand that seeking something isn’t a lesson we learn once. It is a life long lesson.

During the month of august I made major choices, some of them for the people around me, some of them out of my ego and definitely one of them from my heart.
In turn I can reflect and say it was a period of re-emerging into my own world. Something which I fight feelings of guilt for, and something which excites me to the point I turn around and run. My relationship with my mom went through its ups and downs. A huge aspect was surrendering to the fact that it didn’t mean I loved her less-or she I- to have other people take care of her.

Overall August was fun, beach, summertime, relaxing. The daunting issue around having fun is it’s easier to not be accountable, for me anyway. I am constantly having to learn not to dive into my extremes; I am either very introverted or very extroverted. It’s finding the balance between the two that allows for more harmony, in my world, and especially in my relationships.

Mary-Jo is the consciousness that usually sits on my shoulder in human form. Throughout my 19 years as her daughter I have repeatedly told myself it’s a mother thing. That holds true to a certain extent, and in sequence with the old saying, “mothers know best” My mom knows my best. As a personal coach, brilliant mastermind, and spiritual guru to many, this is the woman I am lucky enough to have by my side through every up and down. So when we argue I am not fighting with her, I am fighting the parts of my self that she is pure enough to reflect.

As we came into the month of September our house was a literal battleground. Kate and I were having difficulties finding a way to accept the reality of living with MJ in her new state. We turned the music up in a sense, to drown out what was really going on. and MJ was of course dealing with two teenage daughters again. Two teenage daughters; scared of the new world that surrounded them, of the people who loved them most and of being in full time relationship with someone who had just gone through a profound life altering experience. Emotions ran ramped, doors were slammed, and sleep disturbed. Looking back, it was in a sense, an almost comforting problem to deal with, coming out of ICU and GF Strong. That was the gift, we were together again, in our rawness, our fears, and at the bottom of it all … our love.

Just as the candid conversations weather provides us. Time provides us with the nobility to draw from our experiences. MJ is continually moving forward, teaching her gifts, and bringing the company she founded (Trinity Yoga INC.) from an almost standstill to huge scale expansions as a mentor and guide. I am working and piecing together the goals and dreams that I left lying in Nelson that fateful day in January. Sweet Katelynn is breaking her own records, her attendance at school is soaring and she is aspiring to great lengths in her life.

Our world together is peaceful. Incredibly busy, but peaceful. Through our lives we will encounter small challenges, huge opportunities, addictions, trials, falsities, loves, losses, and candid conversations. It’s so humbling to remember the state, which we landed in upon arrival at VGH. The raw sate of love for each other, and just simply being alive. Nothing else mattered.

PS- NEWS FLASH- Mary-Jo can now wiggle her left toes. Congratulations Mama.

-Amanda Rose Fetterly

Published by Mary-Jo

I am passionate about diversity, inclusion, sustainability and community. Having raised my children in a small B.C. town as a single parent, I relied on the community, my resourcefulness and the land to sustain us. We developed a market farm,built a cafe and catering business that utilized the produce, local farmers and families to thrive. As a Waldorf school parent I became experienced in biodiversity, edible landscapes and community engagement. I gained substantial skills in leadership, facilitation, project management, communication through teaching yoga and running various business's. My role as a facilitator and trainer to individuals seeking to become a yoga teacher- whom never thought that they could stand in front of a room and speak in public, gave me insight into human nature and coaching. In addition to designing and building businesses - cafés, yoga studios and national training programs, I am a student of Social Development & Social Psychology and understand the complexity and importance of social engagement. I can handle with grace most any situation, having encountered a disability later in life. Consequent to becoming disabled and through advocacy and providing peer support I have trained and acquired extensive exposure and understanding of UN principles on disability, The Human Rights objectives, theories and principles of Universal Design and the various challenges and obstacles for those affected and the relationship to various stakeholders. After 30 years of teaching yoga, my spinal cord injury and subsequent sabbatical has allowed for the integration of my yoga and more in-depth study of the Healing Arts. I have had the fortune of working with some of the best in the field of rehabilitation, Somatic Experiencing and manual therapy including Emilie Conrad, Mark Finch, Judy Russel, Rod Stryker, Carolyn Myss, Ana Forest, & Tim Miller, Susan Harper, Mariah Moser, Herta Buller and Nature.