The healing matrix may begin the moment our world is threatened in any way. Last August out of the blue, my wheelchair flipped over and I broke my leg, badly. The moment a upset is arriving – is the moment we need to surrender, without becoming victim – and this is where the paradox begins. Our physical capacities will be tested but more-so our mental constitution. We are called to stretch and dig deep into our virtues, the unseen muscles of our personality, the ones beyond our ego.
Ego is mainly concerned with protecting the status quo and being in control. We all know those aspects of ourself – our image and ability to autonomously direct our affairs. Well this may be disrupted without warning or hint, in major or minor ways from a physical, emotional or psychological upset or shift. Certainly these influences may be positive as in the news of becoming pregnant or a job promotion to a new city or negative – a fender bender that leaves you with depression and chronic pain from a concussion, or Cancer diagnosis or stroke.
Nevertheless the influence, the affect of having to surrender and reinvent oneself is consistent. The paradox is having to do dramatic change whilst maintaining a deeper sense of consistency and constancy of ones deeper virtues and connection to the Self from a whole different set of parameters and familiarities. This is a foreign an unfamiliar terrain for many of us, especially in our very forward moving and linear culture.
The idea of being boundless undefined, or even living in the moment is very contrary to the future-goal orientated propulsion of our economic and social society. The idea of being formless and unlimited can be threatening – especially if there’s no understanding or curiosity of the paradox that many of the eastern traditions refer to – of being both the form and the formless. The formless part of our being, the one we need to resource especially in times of personal challenge is the wellspring of our connection to the formless source of life, which when we are attuned to allows all of the healing modalities and attributes to expand. In addition in this formless state we are not attached nor do we have expectations and so our intuition and our guidance flow freely and we are given direction moment to moment.
What is it that exists in challenge or adversity that propels us toward surrendering or letting go into this formless state of being? Since being thrust out of my wheelchair last summer and into a very difficult and altered physical state again I have pondered more and more of the above question. I feel the vulnerability that one encounter’s when capacities, choices and Independence are removed, forces us to have to stretch into our inner sphere in order to find resolve, choice and the state of inner autonomy. One of my teachers Caroline Myss an Intuitive Healer teaches that you were only able to heal in present time with 100% of your power. She will qualify power by saying that the only true power is love. There are exercises in her book Anatomy of the Spirit, using the Chakras to re-claim and or reflect on where you may lose power.
The difficulty of this situation when it involves a medical problem or challenge is that most of the medical system want to take away our choice and power and clearly do not encourage the important attributes of healing that are so needed in situations of stress and upset. In this context it is all the more important to stay true to the things that you know to be valuable and harmonious to one self and to cultivate and encourage more Nonphysical and manual ways to support our very complex and miraculous healing attributes.
Here is a list of the virtual things I stretched into my mental state and the physical things that I helped my body with manually as i heal from a broken leg and concussion. I pray for:
To be in every way Non-victim
To take Very Special Care of Myself
To have Endurance
To do and be Relevant
To encourage Creativity, Enjoyment & Enhancement
To find Reverence
To feel Gratitude
To Make every moment count
To Let Go
From poet Monza Noff – Autumn
Urge me to drop every leaf I don’t need
Every task or habit I repeat past it’s season
Every sorrow I rehearse
Each unfulfilled hope I recall
Every person or possession to which I cling –
Until my branches are bare,
Until I hold fast to nothing
Tutor me through straining night winds,
In the passion of moan and pant,
The gift of letting go
At the moment of most abundance
In the way of falling apples, figs, maple leaves, pecans.
Show me the way of dying in glorious boldness –
Yellow, gold, orange, rust, red, burgundy.